Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
