i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
