Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
