I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
