it was like his penis was on wheels.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
