I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
