i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
