I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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