Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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