I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
