Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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