At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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