What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
