Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
