I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
