Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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