i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
