Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
