So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
