Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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