we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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