worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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