he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
