Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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