dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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