At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
