Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
