dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
