I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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