you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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