i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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