Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
