We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
