are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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