sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
