Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
