apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
