make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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