I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
