i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
