You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
