I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
