Apparently you make a good broom.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
