matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
