I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
