Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
