maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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