There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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