I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
