I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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