if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
