You made me cry and you don't even care
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
