somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
