come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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