Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
